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Awards

 

Distinguished Author & Artist Award, 2014

First Place Award, Great American Song Contest, 2014

Second Place Winner for Poetry

Many Honorary Mentions

Max Tell / Lyrics / Monkey Mumbo Jumbo

 

Monkey Mumbo Jumbo Cover

Musical Monkey Business for the whole family.

 

Barnabus The Fishie

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – music and lyrics

 

Chorus: 

Barnabus, (Barnabus), Barnabus, the fishie,

Barnabus, (Barnabus), He made a wishie.

 

He didn’t want to be a fish.

Poof, he made a little wish.

Suddenly, he was a boy.

It made him feel so joyful.


 

Chorus: Barnabus, (Barnabus) . . .

 

Barney Boy attended school.

His favourite class was Swimming Pool.

He learned the alphabet just fine.

He became a friend of mine.



Chorus: Barnabus, (Barnabus) . . .



We played each day and laughed together.

Once we found a birdie feather.

Both of us, we wished to fly.

Then, Barney Boy began to cry.

Oh, he cried so long.



“I love it here,” he told me so.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.

I’m really not a boy at all.

The fish I am, I hear its call.”



Chorus: Barnabus, (Barnabus) . . .

He closed his eyes and made a wish.

Barney Boy became a fish.

But, he will be a friend of mine,

Until the end of time.



Chorus:

Barnabus, (Barnabus),

Barnabus, the fishie,

Barnabus, (Barnabus),

He made a wishie.

He made … his wishie … come … true.



 

Monster Under My Bed

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – lyrics

 

I found a monster under my bed.

One big toe stuck out of his head.

He was mean.

You should have heard ‘m scream.



Chorus:

He cried, “EE – OW – EE– OW – EE,

Had a stinger like a bumble bee.

Oh, that stinger was a humdinger.

He pointed that stinger right at me.




I found a monster in my sink.

Dirty water, he began to drink.

He was mean.

You should have heard ‘m scream.



Chorus: He cried, “EE – OW – EE– OW – EE . . .



I found a monster in my shoe,

Blink my eyes, then there were two.

They were mean.

You should have heard ‘m scream.



Chorus: He cried, “EE – OW – EE– OW – EE . . .



I found a monster in my bed.

One big toe stuck out of his head.

He was mean.

You should have heard meeeee screeeeem. (slow down)

 

Chorus:

I cried, “EE – OW – EE– OW – EE,

I got a stinger like a bumble bee.

Oh, my stinger is a humdinger.

He pointed that stinger right at me.

You’d better get out – out of my dream.

You’d better get out . . .

Make it snappy . . . (spoken)

Out of my dream. (sung)

 

 

My Huggin’ Rug Bug

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – music and lyrics



There’s a little rug bug

In my thick plush rug

The cutest little bug,

She’s looking for a hug.



Chorus:

She’s looking for a hug

In my thick plush rug.

Don’t look smug

At my little rug bug




My little rug bug

Is the cutest little bug.

Won’t you hug

My little rug bug.



Chorus: She’s looking for a hug . . .



My little rug bug,

She wants a hug,

My snug little bug

In her thick plush rug



Chorus: She’s looking for a hug . . .



1- You’ve heard about ladybugs

2- June bugs and doodlebugs.

1- Maybe even jitterbugs, fireflies, and humbugs.

2- What does a humbug sound like?

1- MMMMMMM.

2- Sounds like a humming bee to me.

1- But, my favourite is my little rug bug. Please don’t smush my bug.



Chorus:

She’s looking for a hug

In my thick plush rug.

Don’t look smug

At my little rug bug.

Repeat chorus.

 

 

Digity Digit

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – music and lyrics

Chris Kelly - Music




Digity Digit loved Bridgety Bridget,

The girl who lived next door.

This boy was shy. Don’t ask me why.

Whenever he met her, he couldn’t say, “Hi.”

Chorus: Wha, wha, wha, wha (echoed by audience)



Digity Digit thought Bridgety Bridget

Was cuter than a pin.

This boy said, “Why was I born so shy?”

Whenever he met her, he couldn’t say, “Hi.”

Chorus: Wha, wha, wha, wha (echoed by audience)



Now, Digity Digit dreamt Bridgety Bridget,

Kissed him on the nose.

No longer shy, he looked in her eye,

Said, “You’re as pretty as blueberry pie.”

Chorus: Wha, wha, wha, wha (echoed by audience)



Now, Digity Digit and Bridgety Bridget

Got married the next day.

Now, they live pretty cozy and play tickle toesie.

All the livelong day.

Chorus: Wha, wha, wha, wha (echoed by audience)



Now, Digity Digit and Bridgety Bridget

Live happy ever after,

Live happy ever after.

Whaaaaaaaaa!

 

 

When I Grow Up

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – music and lyrics

 

When I grow up, (Audience repeats)

I know what I will be. (A repeats)

A writer with a book. (A repeats)

A pirate with a hook. (A repeats)

When I grow up. (A repeats)

When I grow up, (A repeats)

I know what I will be. (A repeats)

A fireman with a hose. (A repeats)

A clown with a nose. (A repeats)

When I grow up. (A repeats)



BRIDGE:

When I grow up. (A repeats)

I know what I will be-e. When I grow up.




When I grow up, (A repeats)

I know what I will be. (A repeats)

A banker with a buck. (A repeats)

Play hockey with a puck. (A repeats)

When I grow up. (A repeats)



When I grow up, (A repeats)

I know what I will be. (A repeats)

A doctor with a cure. (A repeats)

A farmer with a moo-err. (A repeats)

When I grow up. (A repeats)



When I grow up. (A repeats)

I know what I will be-e. When I grow up.

When I grow up. (A repeats)

I know what I will be-e. When I - grow-ow up.

 

 

The Jig-Jag Juggler

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – music and lyrics

 

Chorus:

I’m a jig-jag juggler,

A bubble-gum bubbler.

I double-juggle all the time.




I juggle when I’m dreaming.

I juggle when awake.

I juggle on my birthday,

Juggling my cake.



Chorus: I’m a jig-jag juggle . . .



I juggle down the slide.

I juggle on the swing.

I juggle on the monkey bars,

That’s when Poppa sings.



Chorus: I’m a jig-jag juggler . . .



I juggle with bananas.

I juggle with purple grapes.

Me and all the monkeys,

We juggle with the apes.



Chorus: I’m a jig-jag juggler . . .

I juggle when I’m dreaming.

I juggle when awake.

I juggle on my birthday,

Juggling my cake.



Chorus:

I’m a jig-jag juggler,

A bubble-gum bubbler.

I double-juggle all the time.

 

 

Mud Puddle Pudding

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – music and lyrics



Put your rubber boots on,

Your shiny hood and coat.

Turn a puddle stormy

And sink a paper boat.




Chorus:

Mud puddle pudding,

Mud puddle jam,

Mud puddles everywhere,

Splash me if you can.



Puddles are for stomping in.

The hopscotch splash is great.

Every time a puddle calls,

I always come home late.



Chorus: Mud puddle pudding . . .

I saw a puddle in the road

So deep it ate up cars.

A big Mack truck drove through and made

A wave that splashed to Mars.

(Spoken: Mars? Mars!)



Chorus: Mud puddle pudding . . .

Mars has pickled pudding soup.

It's not the kind you eat.

And who would want to play in it?

It's hot and burns your feet.

(Spoken: Ouch, ouch, oo, ouch, ouch.)



Chorus: Mud puddle pudding . . .



So, if you want to play in mud,

Take this tip from me.

Take your dad and mom along.

There's always room for three.



Chorus:

Mud puddle pudding,

Mud puddle jam,

Mud puddles everywhere,

Splash me if you can.






Thimble Man

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – music and lyrics



I met a young man.

He sat upon a thimble.

Yes, upon a thimble,

This man sat.



He had two eyes

For looking all around him.

For looking all around him,

He had two eyes.



Chorus: I met a young man . . .

He had one nose

For smelling all the flowers.

For smelling all the flowers,

He had one nose.

And he had two eyes.



Chorus: I met a young man . . .



He had two ears

For listening to the birds sing.

For listening to the birds sing,

He had two ears.

And he had one nose,

And he had two eyes.



Chorus: I met a young man . . .



He had one mouth,

Two lips (kiss), and a tongue (raspberry)

For singing with the music.

For singing with the music,

He had one mouth,

Two lips (kiss), and a tongue (raspberry)

And he had two ears.

He had one nose,

And he had two eyes.



Chorus: I met a young man . . .



He had two hands

For clapping with the rhythm,

For clapping with the rhythm,

He had two hands.

And he had one mouth

Two lips (kiss), and a tongue (raspberry).

He had two ears.

He had one nose,

And he had two eyes.



Chorus: I met a young man . . .



He had two feet

For dancing with the music.

For dancing with the music,

He had two feet.

And he had two hands.

He had one mouth

Two lips (kiss), and a tongue (raspberry).

He had two ears.

He had one nose,

And he had two eyes.



Chorus: I met a young man . . .

He had one bottom

For sitting down so quietly.

For sitting down so quietly,

He had one bottom.

And he had two feet.

He had two hands.

He had one mouth

Two lips (kiss), and a tongue (raspberry).

He had two ears.

He had one nose,

And he had three eyes.



How many eyes did he have? (spoken)

Sing it with me. (spoken)



He ha-a-a-a-a-ad. (repeat twice – up several notes each time) two eyes.


 

 

Tummy Garage

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – lyrics



If my Mummy

Gives me food that's funny,

I park it in my tummy,

In my tummy garage.

When I don't feel hungry,

But my breaky's good,

I park my breaky,

Where I know I should.

Chorus:

Down in my tummy,

Where my food stays yummy,

Parked in my tummy,

In my tummy garage.




When I want to play,

But it's my lunch time,

I park my lunch,

Where the sun don't shine.

When the food looks strange

On my dinner plate,

I swallow it down

Before my cake.



Chorus: Down in my tummy . . .



Bridge: Spoken slowly

I've had pigs in a blanket,

And deviled eggs too,

And things that your Mummy

Would never feed you.



I've had mustard on chicken,

And pickled pigs feet, (pick up pace on next line)

And something my Dad

Calls bubble and sque-e-eak.



So, if your Mummy

Gives you food that's funny,

Something that's gooey,

Or something that's gummy,



Put it where it stays

And it won't come back.

Lock it up

In your tummy sack.



Chorus:

Down in my tummy,

Where my food stays yummy,

Parked in my tummy,

In my tummy garage.

Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom. Baa


 

 

I Want To Be A Sheriff

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – music and lyrics



Chorus:

I want to be a sheriff,

With sheriffy looks.

I want to be a sheriff

Arrestin’ all the crooks.




I’ll put ‘em in jail,

No toilet, just a pail.

I wouldn’t give ‘em soap

To wash their hands. Ooooooo!



Chorus: I want to be a sheriff . . .



I’ll catch the mean bank robbers,

Anyone who clobbers

I’ll give ‘em sandy paper

For their nose. Scratch, scratch!



Chorus: I want to be a sheriff . . .

 

If I catch ‘em stealin’ candy,

Anythin’ that’s handy,

All they’ll get is

Broccoli to eat. Yuck, yuck!



Chorus: I want to be a sheriff . . .



I’ll arrest the bad ones,

The really meany mad ones,

I’ll lock ‘em up and

Throw away the key. Clink, clink!



Chorus:

I want to be a sheriff,

With sheriffy looks.

I want to be a sheriff

Arrestin’ all the crooks.

Arrestin’, arrestin’,

Arrestin' all the croo-oo-oo-oo-ooks.






My Merry-Go-Round Dog

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – music and lyrics



I found my dog on the merry-go-round,

But my dog could not bark.

He got so dizzy on that merry-go-round

That my dog could not bark.



I took my dog to my Mom, of course

To help my dog to bark.

She thought my dog was a big white horse

'Cause my dog could not bark. Whinny.



I took my dog to my sister, Gwen

To help my dog to bark.

She thought my dog was laying hen,

'Cause my dog could not bark. Cluck cluck.



I took my dog to Little Bo-Peep

To help my dog to bark.

She thought my dog was a wooly sheep,

'Cause my dog could not bark. Baaaaaa.



I took my dog to Uncle Bruce

To help my dog to bark.

He' thought him a rooster on his roost,

'Cause my dog could not bark. Cock-a-doodle-do.



I took my dog to trainer Pat

To help my dog to bark.

He taught my dog how to be a cat ,

'Cause my dog could not bark. Meow.



I took my dog to Doctor Jill

To help my dog to bark.

She must have given him a moo-cow pill,

'Cause my dog could not bark. Moooooo.



Dad taught my dog how to dance a jig

Because he could not bark.

My dog, he'd rather be a pig,

Than be a dog that barked. Snort, snort.



So I let my dog go

Whinny, cluck, cluck,

Baaaaaa, Cock-a-doodle-do,

Meow, Mooooo Snort, snort,

'Cause my dog could not bark.

Now, I let him do

What he has to do,

And today … my dog …

did bark, ruff.

Pant, pant, pant.



 

Monkey Mumbo Jumbo

Max Tell a.k.a. Robert Stelmach – music and lyrics



My monkey’s quite the smoothy.

My friends, they think he’s groovy.

But don’t ever tell him that he must sit still.

‘Cause Monkey does a dance

As if ants’re in his pants,

While dancing on the windowsill.



Chorus:

Singing, monkey mumbo jumbo,

While chewing gummy gumbo,

My monkey is a crazy kinda guy.

He shakes his hands like this

And wiggles like a fish.

He’s never been a sittin’ kinda guy.




I took him to grade one.

Boy, he had some fun,

Dancin’ to the Beatles on my desk.

I tried to get him down.

He acted like a clown.

He ran around poundin’ on his chest.



Chorus: Singing, monkey mumbo jumbo . . .



I took him to grade two.

Boy, my monkey flew,

Swingin’ from the ceiling overhead.

My sister, how she pouted.

The principal, he shouted.

Monkey gave a giggle, then he fled.

 

Chorus: Singing, monkey mumbo jumbo . . .



I took him to grade three.

He climbed into a tree.

He tried to write an essay

With my pen.

My teacher was so glad,

Then she got so mad.

His writing looked like scratchings of a hen.



Chorus:

Singing, monkey mumbo jumbo,

While chewing gummy gumbo,

My monkey is a crazy kinda guy.

He shakes his hands like this

And wiggles like a fish.

He’s never been a sittin’ kinda guy.




 

 



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